A Message to ALL...
How to tell when drinking
is becoming a problem
This is A.A. General Service Conference-approved literature
Copyright© 1988, 1998 by A.A. World Services, Inc.
All Right Reserved
ALCOHOLISM
Alcoholism is a rough word to deal with.
Yet nobody is too young (or too old) to have trouble with booze.
That's because alcoholism is an illness. It can hit anyone. Young, old. Rich, poor. Black, white.
And it doesn't matter how long you've been drinking or what you've been drinking. It's what drinking does to you that counts.
To help you decide whether you might have a problem with your own drinking, we've prepared these 12 questions. The answers are nobody's business but your own.
If you can answer yes to any one of these questions, maybe it's time you took a serious look at what your drinking might be doing to you.
And, if you do need help or if you'd just like to talk to someone about your drinking, call us. If there is no AA service close to you write or phone the General Service Office for Great Britain
0845 76 97 555
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
A Simple 12-Question Quiz designed To Help You Decide
1 Do you drink because you have problems? To face up to stressful situations?
2 Do you drink when you get mad at other people, your friends or parents?
3 Do you often prefer to drink alone, rather than with others?
4 Are you starting to get low marks? Are you skiving off work?
5 Do you ever try to stop or drink less - and fail?
6 Have you begun to drink in the morning, before school or work?
7 Do you gulp your drinks as if to satisfy a great thirst
8 Do you ever have loss of memory due to your drinking?
9 Do you avoid being honest with others about your drinking
10 Do you ever get into trouble when you are drinking?
11 Do you often get drunk when you drink, even when you do not mean to?
12 Do you think you're big to be able to hold your drink?
The very first step in attacking any problem is to find out all you can about it. Information and helpful literature is available from many sources, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Mental Health Associations, and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence or Alcohol Concern. Your own GP will certainly be able to offer you advice and let you know what local help and facilities are available although don't be surprised is he is not able to discuss the particular patient. He will respect their privacy as he would respect yours. In all probability your local clergyman has special knowledge of alcoholism and its related problems and will be glad to give you the benefit of his/her counsel.
If you are seriously interested in being of help, it will be very useful for you to attend a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are probably several groups of this organization in your local area, or nearby; if you have a legitimate interest in an alcoholic problem you will be most welcome to attend regular "open" meetings. For information about time and place of such meetings ring 0845 769 7555 which is the National Help line who will give you dates and times of local meetings
There are some excellent books on the subject available from your local library. "Alcoholics Anonymous", the AA Big Book written by the Founders of AA.
Join Al-Anon www.al-anonuk.org
Al-Anon offers understanding and support for families and friends of problem drinkers, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Al-a-teen, a part of Al-Anon, is for young people aged 12-20 who have been affected by someone else's drinking, usually that of a parent. The parents, children, wives, husbands, friends and colleagues of alcoholics could all be helped by Al-Anon and Al-a-teen whether or not the drinker in their lives recognises that a problem exists. At Al-Anon group meetings members receive comfort and understanding and learn to cope with their problems through the exchange of experience, strength and hope. The sharing of problems binds individuals and groups together in a bond that is protected by a policy of anonymity; everything is confidential. Members learn that there are things they can do to help themselves and indirectly to help the problem drinker. Changed attitudes, which come from greater understanding of the illness, may result in the drinker seeking help. Al-Anon is self-supporting through members' voluntary contributions and the sale of its literature. The groups are non-professional and have no religious or other affiliations and no opinions on outside issues.
Medical Science Says Alcoholism Is A Disease
Before you can hope to be of much assistance to any sufferer from alcoholism, you must realise that alcoholism is a disease. The American Medical Association says that it is, and has set up a sub-committee to deal with it. You must reach the point where you actually see your alcoholic friend or relative as a sick person. He is, in fact, as sick - or sicker - than if he suffered from cancer or diabetes. You must wholeheartedly accept this concept if you are to be of help. Their drinking habits and irrational conduct are but symptoms of this disease. You must know this, and see them objectively, or you will be unable to be of use.
What Not To Do
Never treat the sufferer from alcoholism as though he or she was a naughty child. You may think that they act that way, but overlook it, and never mention it. Don't check up to see how much they drink. If you discover a carefully hidden supply of drink, leave it alone. It will not help to take away the supply, or pour it down the sink. Such common mistakes in judgment provide the alcoholic with the best possible excuse to go on a real binge. Never attempt to discuss the drinking problem with an alcoholic unless he wants to talk about it, and never while he is drinking in any case. It stirs up antagonism, which calls for further drinking.
Your Attitude Is Important
Usually the best time to approach the subject is during a remorseful hangover period. Be casually sympathetic. No recrimination - no criticism - no condemnation. Never argue. Let talk, and if he/she says he must do something about their drinking, tell him/her you know what can be done. Don't, however, mention any specific thing unless asked. Have some literature handy, but don't press it. Better to just leave it around where it is likely to be found
Perhaps It Will Take A Crisis
Go slow and be guided by their reactions. It has taken a long time to get into this condition, and it isn't going to go away in a day or two. Remember that nothing can be done for your alcoholic until he/she wants it for him/herself - not for someone else, (wife/husband, employer, etc.) You may have to wait until they have been really hurt - had an accident, lost a job, been arrested, or until some other crisis makes him/her realize that they can't stop without help, .
You Must Be Patient
Take the long range view. What you may think is a kindness at the moment, may not be ultimately helpful. You must not assume responsibility for either their acts or debts. One of the things necessary to his recovery is that they learn to stand on their own feet. You may hate to see them get into further trouble, be arrested, or have their wife/husband leave them. Do not enable the person to carry on in this way by your acts of kindness and covering up for them. One of these things may be what will ultimately cause them to look for help. School yourself to be patient. they may disappoint you a dozen times. If you really want to help, you must be able to take these things in your stride. Remember always that the real person is still there, underneath the alcoholic veneer. This is difficult and usually referred to as tough love.
The Alcoholic Hates Himself
Much of the time it is probable that your friend's way of reasoning won't make any sense to you. they will lie to you constantly: Alcoholics are the world's best liars. Denial is one of the symptoms of the illness. Most alcoholics are full of unreasoning resentments, fears, jealousies, and self-pity. these things are part of their disorder, to be recognized - but disregarded. Try to realise that they hate themselves worse than anyone else could possibly hate them. Be kind - without babying; sympathetic - but not maudlin. You can understand their acts without condoning them.
It Pays Off
If you have been properly understanding as a result of what you have learned about this problem, the chances are that your friend or relative will turn to you when they decides to do something about their trouble. Try to be ready with all the available information on the tip of your tongue. They may be willing to try Alcoholics Anonymous, or may be extremely ill physically, and require medical help. Any alcoholic will make a better and quicker recovery, if there is an intelligent, informed friend standing by.
If you are seeking help and advice for a family member or friend,
and feel you might benefit from some support yourself, please
feel free to contact our sister Fellowship Al-Anon. They offer
support to the families and friends of problem drinkers.
They can be contacted on 0207 4030 888 between 10am and 10pm
for the opportunity to talk, in confidence,
to someone who understands.
Their email address is mailto:AlAnonUK@aol.com
you can also write to them at
Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF